An graduate life is full of contigencies and unknowns. The insecurities that are part and parcel of graduate life exacerbate my feelings of dislocation. A huge part of me longs for something stable and permanent outside of my ephemeral relationships with people and communities. Sometimes the only thing that seems constant with me is that I’m working on this goal. Even when my hopes are frustrated, I’m working on this goal. Even when I’m taking a break, I enjoy myself because that helps me get through so that I can work on this goal. Through the years, the goal has shifted. But I have been moving forward trying to make a meaningful life and eventually find my place.
A few months ago nothing seemed to come together as I had hoped. Even though I felt paralyzed with fear, I had to commit to diving right in. I don’t know how everything is going to work out. I have worked hard to do what I can. I have asked for help and guidance. I will continue to work, do everything thing that I can do. Friends counseled me to wait patiently because they were sure everything would fall into place. Even with fear and trembling, I step forward without seeing the path.