I got a chance to do a major update of the blog, adding a section of articles that I’ve written, as well as interviews. All in all When I first started blogging a decade ago I had some concerns about being so public. I was going through major changes, figuring things out, and working through spiritual, emotional, and financial challenges. Learning and growing in front of the world can be the most humbling thing. It also makes me very accessible in ways that many other folks aren’t. That accessibility means that people feel comfortable sharing their value judgments about me and my journey. I wish I could say that I didn’t care. Sometimes it hurts, but I push through that and try to live as authentic as I can. And in trying to find that place, I often question myself. I often feel like I forget more than I have learned and I am exposed to how little I know all too often.
Between my workload and traveling, I’m trying to stay on top of things. While this work has connected me to some amazing people, it also forces a schedule also isolates me. I have long hours, I’m often forced to declined invitations, and I have a hard time finding time to connect with family and loved ones. I owe a lot of people emails and writing. I’m slowly catching up, I’m making progress.
Yesterday, I was in an exchange addressing the use of a personal Facebook post in an article after it was removed. The implications of the discourse weighed heavy on me all day, through last night and into this morning. Like my tweets yesterday, anything we write is out there forever. I believe in the Afterlife, so I know I will be accountable for my words and how I exercised my privilege or ignored harm. A lower motivation is, whatever we write, no matter how embarrassing can resurface. Everything is saved on the internet and can still be harmful to others. If members of the target population express that something is xenophobic or racist, then it is. I was not empathetic to the feelings of Muslims whose grandparents, parents, or even themselves have immigrated to the U.S. We measure impact not intent. An immediate apology is warranted. I am sorry.
With the ICE deportations going on right now and legislation being passed, it is important to be sensitive to the plight of undocumented, refugees, and immigrants. Being a person whose ancestors were forcibly migrated and whose bodies and blood are in the bricks of the foundations of many of the institutions, I feel a profound sense of belonging. It also puts me in a position of privilege as a non-immigrant. With that privilege comes a lack of empathy, which I demonstrated yesterday. I was busy explaining intent of converts like myself, as well as defend ideas that have been proposed in Sherman Jackson’s Islam and the blackamerican. For many Black American Muslims, the book helped explain a toxic dynamic in Muslim American communities where many of us lost our way. This dynamic was in accepting Arab and South Asian hegemonies (for example Tablighi jumu’ah or Saudi influenced Salafi Islam) that were detrimental to our psychological, material, and spiritual well being as individuals or the Black Muslim community as a whole. That framework does not take into account African/Black American relations, Latino Muslims, or refugees. Many people whose families immigrated from Muslim majority countries have expressed how alienated they feel with the immigrant/indigenous binary. I believe we must reject a hierarchy of who is more Muslim or who is more American. I think it is important to find language that is sensitive to all the parties involved to discuss power dynamics in Muslim communities and the politics of representation. I will do better in the future to avoid nativist or xenophobic language in my writing. I will also work more to address it where I find it.
I started anti-racism work with much to learn and I am still learning. I know I will fall short in the future, and whether I am reminded harshly or gently, I hope I respond better in the future. I will work tirelessly to keep willing parties in the room to learn and grow together. Growth and transformation in myself and others inspire me. For those who have been harmed by my words yesterday or in the past, I hope that you accept this apology. Let me know going forward how we can begin to have meaningful discussions in building a community that best exemplifies that ideals we all share.
For those who follow the Gregorian calendar, Happy New Year!
It’s been almost ten years since I first started blogging in a place called MySpace. Eventually, I transferred my raw thoughts to WordPress. It has been such an amazing journey and I am grateful and humbled by those who have supported me through the ups and downs.
Ten years is a major milestone and probably time to do another website rehaul. With that in mind, I have some big changes planned for the website. I’ll have a page with a regularly updated list of my writings, links to videos, and a few more must read lists. I hope to get back to creative writing and other artistic pursuits. I plan to write about my whole self, as an individual, with my relational identities as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, cousin, niece, and friend. I hope you’ll stick around.