The Negro Hipster

Posted in Bay Area, Uncategorized by

I woke up this morning thinking about what would be the Black equivalent to Stuff White People Like. The thing is, that this list reflects a lot of hipster values. And as of late, I’ve come across many of these types. I also began to think about the most recent trend in the Black community, something which has spilled over into the Muslim community, “Negro Hispters.” The assimilated Negro wrote a great piece, Quest for Negro Hipster Continues. So here’s my randomly generated list of Stuff Negro Hipsters like:

Gentrified Neighborhoods
Negro Hipsters love them. Many Negro Hipsters come from suburban areas and mourn the loss of their street cred. Most Negro Hipsters were one of the few Black kids in their high school. Moving from suburban neighborhood to gentrified urban area is a way to reclaim the lost part of that “urban” Black identity. A negro hipster will move from San Jose to Lake Merritt Oakland because San Jose has no Black people and is in general pretty wack. The thing is, Lake Merritt doesn’t have many Black people now either. The last time I went, me and my friend were like, “Where did all the Black people go?” But that’s okay, it used to have Black people and the buildings are old.

Shopping at Goodwill or Consignment stores.
goodwill
Being cheap, but ridiculously stylish by buying designer clothes that someone else wore is always an excellent way of proving how non-materialistic you are.Fedora HatsFedora hat
The image should say enough for you

Vegetables
Well, let me clarify. A lot of Negro Hipsters hate red meat. Many Negro Hipsters are vegetarians. the best way to prove how down you are for mother nature and taking care of your body is by being a vegan. Most don’t eat pork. But the dietary restrictions have nothing to do with their tendency to dabble in Rastafarianism or Islam.

Books
They have them all over the place. It doesn’t matter if they don’t read them, they have book shelves of works like “I Ching,” “The Art of War,” “The Autobiography of Malcolm X, ” “Franz Fanon” and anything by Cornel West.

Blackspoitation movies

They like to watch them because they are so bad, they are good. Plus, by dropping a reference to Sweet back’s baadass song will make you seem more cultured

White Bands
Another great way to show how on point you are is by telling your friends how eclectic your music taste is. It doesn’t matter if Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” was featured a million times on VH-1, the fact that YOU, as a Black person know of it is a testament to how open your mind is to other people’s music.

Anime

Negro Hipsters may not fully appreciate the pretentiousness of foreign movies. But Anime fulfills the need to demonstrate the appreciation for entertainment from overseas.

Asian Girls
This excludes female Negro Hipsters, who are unable to appreciate them. Plus they are likely to be too angry to really be able to enjoy Hipster status. Negro Hipsters love Asian women. Asian women who love hip hop and anime hold a special place for Negro Hipsters.

Natural Hair

Negro Hipsters love natural hair and a disdain for Black women who relax their hair. They love dreads, curly hair, afros, bald heads, and asian, white girls, and latina women who have long straight hair.

Conscious Hip Hop

Negro Hipsters hate commercial radio. The more obscure the rapper, the better. Usually, that is their homeboy who’s music career is supported by their parents who pay their rent and feed them. Their favorite rapper is often from the suburbs. The MC’s lyrical dexterity has been enhanced by all the words he learned when preparing for the SATs.

Open Mic Poetry

Negro Hipsters like to converge at the local coffee shop and read their latest non-rhymed, unmetered, well basically stream of consciousness writing. The favorite poems often entail sexual metaphors, like “Will you titillate my consciousness and stroke my intellect…mmmmm….”

Lounges

Negro Hipsters like to sit at lounges, not clubs. Even though they can barely hear each other cause the music is playing so loud, they will attempt to have deep conversations. Meanwhile, everyone will scope each other other, but pretend to be nonchalant.

Metrosexuals

Many Negro Hipsters are metrosexuals and female Negro hipsters have a special appreciation for a man that knows his designer frames and high quality exfolients.


Ethnic Food
Negro Hipsters may not like Fried Chicken, cause that’s so stereotypical. But they love Ethnic food, especially things Asian. The weirder the better, stuff like Vietnamese Vegan Chicken soup or some doughy concoction at the local Mayan Restaurant.Well, my list will continue. Feel free to add you own in the comments.

Being the Only Black Person
Negro Hipsters like to be in environments where they are the only Black person. That way, the are the representative for all Black people, all the time. It also proves to them how black they are because that is the only thing that sets them apart from their non-Black co-workers, friends, or family.


This list is a work in progress. Feel free to add your more.

33 thoughts on “The Negro Hipster”

  1. Until I figure out how to make sure wordpress doesn’t erase my formatting. I’ll make my additions here:
    The Boondocks
    They have to identify with at least one of the characters. Female Negro hipsters who are not mixed must default to Huey.

    Grooming products with no animal testing
    Alba or any products from trader joes will do

    Organic Food
    The less taste the better. It’s good for you and the environment.

    Herbal Tea
    Herbal Teas and spiced teas are magic potions for these Magic Negroes.

    Roots Reggae
    Doesn’t matter if they can’t understand the lyrics. That is part of the mystery. Groovin to roots before the trendy crowd comes will show how deep you are.

    Drumming Sessions
    Remember back in the day when freestyle sessions were all the rage? Well drumming session are the way for these Negroes to demonstrate how connected they are with their African roots.

    Andre 3000
    Negro Hipsters welcomed the changes Andre went through after he hooked up with Eryka Badu. They also really like Common. Their colorful and often mismatched outfits opened up a whole new world for Hipsters. Thanks to Andre, thousands of NHs can dig in the barrels of goodwill to put together an outfit and still pull all the Filipino honeys at the underground hip hop club.

    Non-Franchise Coffee Shops
    Where else can you find so many of the things Negro Hipsters love in one place: Soy Chai Lattes, Herbal Teas, funny hats, open mic sessions, and your latest amateur jazz band. Negro Hipsters also like to visit these watering holes during day light hours with a sketch book, notebook, or conspicuously deep philosophical book in hand. These places are known for their dry pastries, stale breads, tasteless but natural vegan sandwiches.

    Food Co-ops, Whole Food, or Trader Joe’s
    These places have the right mix of overpriced products and food that goes bad quickly

    Turntables
    You are so not down unless you have turntables. They are especially appropriate for those impromptu lounge sessions

    Dating someone whose parents/relatives hate them because they are Black
    How can you actually call yourself oppressed until a member of your loved one’s family hates you because of your African roots?

    Cowrie Shells
    The most necessary fashion accessory. Your badge of honor. Once upon a time, in some African societies cowrie shells were currency. Now you can show your African bling bling on belts, hats, and jewelry

    Beads or any accessory that looks ethnic
    The more the merrier

    Alternative medicine
    Going to Western trained doctors is bad for your health. Instead, you drink potions and concoctions to ward off any ailments. Doctors: bad. Homeopaths, Herbalists, chinese doctors, and Santeria priestesses: good.

    Incense
    These are burning at all times. The most legitimate scents are Egyptian Musk and Black Love

    Daps, Fist Pounds,Big Ups, and Secret Handshakes that may involve a snap
    Negro Hipsters have to perform elaborate greeting and parting rituals. The more complicated and difficult the batter. Negro Hipsters also like to hug each other a lot. There is lots of male on male body contact in these greetings.

    Jazz
    Not the easy listening type that their aunts would play while watching tv. No, Negro Hipsters love Jazz and they love jam sessions more than anybody else. They don’t like jazz festivals so much, as going to jazz shows. Jazz must exist in the night where negro hipsters can lay that extra layer of cool on. Negro hipsters are especially keen on Jazz fusion music, like Afro-Cuban Jazz, Jazzmatazz, Digable Planets, J-Pop Jazz, just as long as it is eclectic and draws other hipsters it is the beat.

    Vinyl Records
    These go with the turntables. But the ways Negro Hipsters demonstrate their appreciation for music is by collecting lots and lots of records. Doesn’t matter if the majority of the records suck, are warped and can’t play. Those crates Negro HIpsters procured when their momma gave them when cleaning out the garage will demonstrate a true love of music.

    Myspace and Facebook
    Basically social networking site where you can post your latest narcissistic professional quality photos

    More additions to come.

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  6. This is funny, I’d never notice the whole hipster thing. I have poked fun at black friends who wear Abercrombie and such, but that just makes them preppy I guess.

    I don’t know how you feel about Negro hipsters, but I sure can’t stand the white hipsters. Probably because everything about them pisses off a greasy Guido type like myself.

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  14. Yeah I ran into a few at the Jill Scott concert last night : )
    Negro Hipster Music Soulchild opened wearing fitted jeans, neon sunglasses and a belt. Thanks Kanye. So precious.

    LOL at the Negro Guido!

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  15. I’m sure everybody understood my question above, but I just realized I meant to say “Is there such a thing as a Negro Guido?”

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  16. Salaams K-dude I heard of Weegros, Italians who borrow from Black mannerisms and dress. But I’d be interested in finding out more about Black Guidos. Perhaps Puff Daddy or JZ fit. They try to do the Godfather, Goodfellas thing. Nas did Casino in a video.
    So, yes, there must be Negro Guidos in the Tri-state area. But I’m from Cali, what do I know?

    K-Dude, there are many indicators that you may be the real Keyser Söze. Let us start with the K that you use as your screen name. Hmmmmm….

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  17. Some say my father is Turkish, others that my mother is from the Northern Caucasus. Yet others claim that I grew up in a one time convict colony….

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  19. Yo! Yo! Yooo!!!! This had me fallin’ out the chair [which I’m not supposed to do with a bad back]. This spells out the Hipster Negroes I see in Philly all the time. A classic post. My hat’s off to you…

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  21. Actually falling into the Negro Hipster category is a sigh of relief since prior to that I was falling into the “white” category. LOL! Very funny stuff!

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  23. I so agree with this:

    “Natural Hair

    Negro Hipsters love natural hair and a disdain for Black women who relax their hair. They love dreads, curly hair, afros, bald heads, and asian, white girls, and latina women who have long straight hair.”

    There are so many people who fit this description!

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  24. I knew Tan’s article would get people talking ever since I read it awhile back. However the conclusions and standpoint on the negro hispter seem to differ from the opinions of most people who link to the article. I am wondering and I admit I may be mistaken but is it your opinion that the Negro Hipster is bad or negative. While I agree that many of them are generic/slightly gay I do think the broadening or repositioning of the stereotypical views and roles of black people is a good thing. And I think many of these so called “hipsters” like Andre 3000 or simply reacting to a societal stagnation that wants to cast every black person as the same man.

    Though Not one myself I do admit to laughing as I carry a lot of these traits, still I am wondering whether you think this is negative or positive?

    http://aniggaincyberspace.com/

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  25. Hilarious! I came across your blog on Singularvoice – you have made some points (if not all) that describe me to a ‘T’, but I won’t say I like being the only Black person in the room because it sets me apart from other Black, but because it gives me time to make “good impression.”

    I don’t dislike ladies whom choose to perm, but I do feel sorry for them and will continue to keep them in my Du’a. That Creamy Crack is a Hellava Drug!

    Seriously! This has cracked me up for the morning.

    Ma Salaama

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  29. i guess i’m a hipster in practice, but i don’t look the part in jilbab in khimar. masha’Allah, extremely funny. i love wholefoods and trader joes.

    one more thing for you to add to your list…
    when black hipsters become parents, they’re all about baby-wearing, breastfeeding, and homemade organic baby food

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  30. Sister,

    I am not sure if this was intended to be satirical, informative or insulting, but I found it to be the latter. It is a gross stereotype, generalization and broad misrepresentation of people of Afrikan descent who in various ways attempt to live healthy lifestyles and embrace Afrikan culture. If you do not value or recognize the efforts of some Black folks to do this, that is your right. But to try to erroneously lump Black people together under the category “Negro” hipsters (didn’t we lose the term Negro like 40 years ago?) is at best incendiary and at worst representative of the kind of uninformed generalizations made by many anti-Afrikan thinkers. What is most disturbing is your assertion that Black people who are embracing Afrikan, culture, healthy lifestyles are simultaneously masking some romantic fascination with European or non-Afrikan peoples and cultures (i.e. hair, food etc.) makes me wonder where you are even getting this information from. Really, I am annoyed that I was even led to take the time to read this. But, i hope that in the future you will be a bit more studious in your efforts to classify and categorize mebers of the Afrikan/Blck comunity.

    Regards,
    A.

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  31. I can’t believe no one is disturbed by this article and by this comments. Do none of you have any pride at all? Do stereotype yourselves! Stereotypes are not a good thing! So what if your black and open to new things from other cultures that doesn’t make you anything but an individual in your own right. And as far as that angry black woman comment…I’m going to try and let that go for the sake of time, but as an black woman I don’t care what color another woman is I don’t hate on anyone nor does any other black women I know. Last how dare you stereotype black women as angry…BS like that is was makes me angry every woman is different, just because a woman is black doesn’t mean she a stereotype
    And for all of you who think this article is funny…thing about the damage it can cause if someone who is ignorant and not black reads this

    -don’t play the role/play the game-
    peace

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  32. I thought this was brills. What makes it work is that so many of us posting comments here see facets of ourselves in the description. I think it’s healthy to poke fun at yourself; it illustrates a healthy ego – not too small, and not too big. Anything that challenges the notion of monolithic authentic “Blackness” is worth looking at in my book.

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  33. I’m usually not one for stereotypes, but minus the Asian women and anime- EVERY SINGLE POINT MENTIONED ABOVE APPLIES TO ME. Like to a T.
    Scary.

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