I woke up this morning thinking about what would be the Black equivalent to Stuff White People Like. The thing is, that this list reflects a lot of hipster values. And as of late, I’ve come across many of these types. I also began to think about the most recent trend in the Black community, something which has spilled over into the Muslim community, “Negro Hispters.” The assimilated Negro wrote a great piece, Quest for Negro Hipster Continues. So here’s my randomly generated list of Stuff Negro Hipsters like:
Negro Hipsters love them. Many Negro Hipsters come from suburban areas and mourn the loss of their street cred. Most Negro Hipsters were one of the few Black kids in their high school. Moving from suburban neighborhood to gentrified urban area is a way to reclaim the lost part of that “urban” Black identity. A negro hipster will move from San Jose to Lake Merritt Oakland because San Jose has no Black people and is in general pretty wack. The thing is, Lake Merritt doesn’t have many Black people now either. The last time I went, me and my friend were like, “Where did all the Black people go?” But that’s okay, it used to have Black people and the buildings are old.
Shopping at Goodwill or Consignment stores.
Being cheap, but ridiculously stylish by buying designer clothes that someone else wore is always an excellent way of proving how non-materialistic you are.Fedora Hats
The image should say enough for you
Well, let me clarify. A lot of Negro Hipsters hate red meat. Many Negro Hipsters are vegetarians. the best way to prove how down you are for mother nature and taking care of your body is by being a vegan. Most don’t eat pork. But the dietary restrictions have nothing to do with their tendency to dabble in Rastafarianism or Islam.
They have them all over the place. It doesn’t matter if they don’t read them, they have book shelves of works like “I Ching,” “The Art of War,” “The Autobiography of Malcolm X, ” “Franz Fanon” and anything by Cornel West.
They like to watch them because they are so bad, they are good. Plus, by dropping a reference to Sweet back’s baadass song will make you seem more cultured
Another great way to show how on point you are is by telling your friends how eclectic your music taste is. It doesn’t matter if Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” was featured a million times on VH-1, the fact that YOU, as a Black person know of it is a testament to how open your mind is to other people’s music.
This excludes female Negro Hipsters, who are unable to appreciate them. Plus they are likely to be too angry to really be able to enjoy Hipster status. Negro Hipsters love Asian women. Asian women who love hip hop and anime hold a special place for Negro Hipsters.
Negro Hipsters love natural hair and a disdain for Black women who relax their hair. They love dreads, curly hair, afros, bald heads, and asian, white girls, and latina women who have long straight hair.
Conscious Hip Hop
Negro Hipsters hate commercial radio. The more obscure the rapper, the better. Usually, that is their homeboy who’s music career is supported by their parents who pay their rent and feed them. Their favorite rapper is often from the suburbs. The MC’s lyrical dexterity has been enhanced by all the words he learned when preparing for the SATs.
Open Mic Poetry
Negro Hipsters like to converge at the local coffee shop and read their latest non-rhymed, unmetered, well basically stream of consciousness writing. The favorite poems often entail sexual metaphors, like “Will you titillate my consciousness and stroke my intellect…mmmmm….”
Negro Hipsters like to sit at lounges, not clubs. Even though they can barely hear each other cause the music is playing so loud, they will attempt to have deep conversations. Meanwhile, everyone will scope each other other, but pretend to be nonchalant.
Many Negro Hipsters are metrosexuals and female Negro hipsters have a special appreciation for a man that knows his designer frames and high quality exfolients.
Negro Hipsters may not like Fried Chicken, cause that’s so stereotypical. But they love Ethnic food, especially things Asian. The weirder the better, stuff like Vietnamese Vegan Chicken soup or some doughy concoction at the local Mayan Restaurant.Well, my list will continue. Feel free to add you own in the comments.
Being the Only Black Person
Negro Hipsters like to be in environments where they are the only Black person. That way, the are the representative for all Black people, all the time. It also proves to them how black they are because that is the only thing that sets them apart from their non-Black co-workers, friends, or family.
This list is a work in progress. Feel free to add your more.